Helping the Hurting
by Lynette J. Hoy, NCC, LCPC
The world is full of people in pain today. People are struggling with crises and a host of personal and relational problems. What can we do to help these people? How can we as Christians respond?
You, as a mentor, can have a very positive impact on the people you encourage through email. In helping these people it is important to consider the following causes for the problems they experience and some facts about individuals and families today.
The state of people and families today:
1. People no longer receive adequate life training and the stress on families today is greater than anytime in history.
"Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it." Prov 22:6
The opposite of the above well-known text is also true. Adults today are coming from broken families where there has been little to no training or role-modeling in values, right thinking, acceptable behavior, appropriate emotional responses and healthy relationships. Parents are addicted to drugs, alcohol, pornography, work & acquiring material possessions. Parents are divorcing, selfish, greedy, abusive, neglectful, full of anger, unloving and they are children themselves. The stresses on families and effects on children are all too obvious as Gary Collins in Family Shock writes:
"Divorce, bankruptcy, loss of work, serious illness, slowly fading health, the death of a family member- all make an impact. Some families are jolted by the news that a family member has been arrested or that someone has attempted suicide. Others struggle with the reality of a relative who becomes an alcoholic, fails in a business, makes an unexpected career change, or announces plans to move in with a homosexual lover. War in the country, crime in the streets, abuse in the bedroom, instability in the government, violence and immorality on the television screen-the list of ongoing family stresses can seem endless…. almost every day the newspapers and television reporters tell us about crime, abuse, uncontrolled sexuality, militant groups that push their perverted values, teenage pregnancies, poverty-stricken families, single-parent frustrations, poor schools, neglected children, and kids that kill other kids. In our own homes-including the homes of Christians-there is conflict, tension, insensitivity, communication breakdown and probably more abuse than we dare to admit. We face endless demands that rob us of our time, pull us apart, and disrupt our hopes for family unity and stability. A host of forces shake our homes and cause our families to crumble,…"
2. Children and teens are full of anger, fears, insecurities, unhealthy thinking and dysfunctional behavior patterns role-modeled in their families. Even though many people today claim to be Christians, only a small percentage come from healthy families with Christian values.
3. Adults struggle with depression, anxiety, abuse, anger, unhealthy and broken relationships, addictions, loss, change, mental health, physical, and spiritual problems and much more.
4. Parents are teaching and role-modeling unhealthy and sinful behavior patterns vs. Christian values and this is leaving a lasting impression on their children which leaves negative effects through adulthood.
Gary Collins writes about the impact of the family: "The Bible is filled with examples of the family’s impact. In his father’s house, young Joseph learned values that guided his life and morals in the court of Pharaoh. Centuries later, Paul wrote to young Timothy about his "sincere faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice" (2 Tim. 1:5). Much different, and less famous, is a man named Ahaziah, who became ruler of Israel following the reign of his father, King Ahab, and the notoriously wicked Queen Jezebel. According to the Old Testament, Ahaziah "did evil in the eyes of the Lord, because he walked in the ways of his father and mother" (I Kings 22:52)…During the past decade and a half, our society has recognized the crippling influences parents can have on children.."
Benefits of learning to help people:
When you learn skills to help people, you will be more effective at motivating them to move forward in their lives. Hurting people need biblical skills for living, problem-solving and relationships, support, guidance and resources in times of crisis, change, and loss. People need a personal relationship with Jesus Christ and you have a wonderful opportunity to lead people to Christ and the opportunity to exhort Christians to grow in their faith and commitment to Christ. Consider these biblical reasons for helping those who hurt.
1. Scriptures instruct Christians to encourage and build up those who are hurting and exhort one another to grow spiritually. "mourn with those who mourn." (Rom. 12:15) "warn those who are idle, encourage the timid, help the weak, be patient with everyone." I Thess. 5:14 "Exhort one another daily." Heb. 3:13 "Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom,…" Col 3:16
2. The lives of people will be impacted who are looking for spiritual help in times of crisis, change and stress.
3. What you communicate can help bring healing and life to those you mentor. Prov 12:18; 18:21 but the tongue of the wise brings healing...The tongue has the power of life and death, NIV
4. You will have opportunity to influence and provide compassion, support, spiritual direction and resources to sinful, broken, depressed, suicidal, lost, widowed, orphaned, divorced, addicted and abused people. "The bridge of pain is a way to reach lost people today." - Dennis Baker
5. You can help move people towards a life of Christian worship and service.
6. You will be using your gifts to serve the Lord and others in the areas of compassion, encouragement, and exhortation.
As a mentor, you can care, assist, refer and encourage hurting people by providing support, hope, & biblical guidance. God can use you to minister to individuals, couples and families to cope in times of crisis, change, personal & relationship difficulties.
What is your goal as a mentor?
To help facilitate the spiritual and personal growth of individuals - moving them towards dependence on Christ and interdependence on the body of Christ. *
Scriptural basis for ministry:
- Eph 4:11-14 It was he who gave some to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to be evangelists, and some to be pastors and teachers, to prepare God’s people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ. Then we will no longer be infants…
- Rom. 12:15 Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.
- Col 3:16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom,…
- I Thess. 5:14 And we urge you, brothers, warn those who are idle, encourage the timid, help the weak, be patient with everyone.
- Heb 3:13 But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.
- Gal 6:2 Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.
- James 1:27 Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.
What are the objectives of mentoring?
- Show compassion: …by providing empathy, concern and support and when necessary, referral, for emotional, spiritual, physical, relational and financial needs.
- Impact people for Jesus Christ: …by leading people to salvation and/or assurance of their salvation. Know how to share the gospel.
- Intervene skillfully: ..To assist people to identify their problems, evaluate options, resources, and ideas, and develop a plan of action to solve their problems within a biblical framework.
- Train people in biblical skills for living: …by confronting sinful behavior in a loving way, helping people repent and walk in obedience to God’s Word in fellowship with the Holy Spirit.
- Restore people to lives of effective worship & service: ….by guiding people into a more intimate relationship with Jesus Christ, encouraging fellowship, and preparing him/her for personal ministry.
What services do mentors provide to meet these objectives?
Support, encouragement and biblical guidance for people dealing with loss, unemployment, financial, relational difficulties, personal growth and sin problems. Mentors assist people in finding resources within their community and on the internet to help them with their difficulties. See our Resouce Seciton for information.
What are the qualifications for Mentors?
Spiritual maturity, psychological stability, love for and interest in people, appropriate spiritual gifts, some life experience, previous training or experience in helping people, availability and teachability, Completion of the Helping the Hurting training course.
Be realistic. Be resourceful. Keep in mind: You can’t fix people’s problems. Since you are mentoring by email - your time and influence with people is very limited. You need to know resources to point people to since you will likely only have one contact with them. You are not a professional counselor. Always refer them and take seriously any threat of suicide. You can pray before and after you email the person. Prayer is powerful. God can intervene in that person’s life because you prayed and cared. Every person is made in God’s image.
Every person needs Jesus. No one is outside of God’s grace and forgiveness. How you respond may be his/her first experience that someone cares and that God is real. So, now that you are beginning to serve the Lord in this area. Pray for God to open doors of the hearts you will be reaching out to. Pray that the gospel will be clearly spoken through you. Be ready to respond to the unlovely……to sinners in a gracious way. And know that God can use you to help encourage the hurting and reach the lost.
Read about handling crisis situations and bringing comfort to the wounded. God bless you as you learn more about helping people!
5 Responses to “Helping the Hurting”
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April 4th, 2008 at 8:05 am
[...] Tip: Encourage those who are hurting Share God’s power in a [...]
April 4th, 2008 at 12:47 pm
When people are hurting so deeply it is easy to get overwhelmed. It’s good to be reminded that we can’t fix people, but we can pray for them and walk alongside of them on their journeys.
April 11th, 2008 at 5:29 am
Elo Sis(Doris), thanks for that statement “When people are hurting so deeply it is easy to get overwhelmed. It’s good to be reminded that we can’t fix people, but we can pray for them and walk alongside of them on their journeys.”
And i think we can’t really fix others or ourselves because we didn’t manufacture any, so we definitely do not have the spare part(s) to fix people. But He(God) does and releases each spare part whenever we make a request for ourselves/others in His Name(Jesus).
August 20th, 2008 at 8:18 pm
When I had to take a leave due to workplace stress and anxiety I had a difficult time to get hold of a counselor. The anger and pain was so intense that I couldn’t contain myself.I had to go and had to be heard through the peayer request … And believe me ….It really helped to be heard …And knowing somebody out there cared to read and listen to the deepest emotional turmoilI was undergoing in that point in time of my life. Bless you all who find time to read and respond to share in our heartaches. reading amd listening with a heart filled too with God’s compassion is indeed brougth hope to the soul who is almost at the edge of a cliff.
August 20th, 2008 at 8:19 pm
When I had to take a leave due to workplace stress and anxiety I had a difficult time to get hold of a counselor. The anger and pain was so intense that I couldn’t contain myself.I had to go and had to be heard through the prayer request … And believe me ….It really helped to be heard …And knowing somebody out there cared to read and listen to the deepest emotional turmoilI was undergoing in that point in time of my life. Bless you all who find time to read and respond to share in our heartaches. reading amd listening with a heart filled too with God’s compassion is indeed brougth hope to the soul who is almost at the edge of a cliff.